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Even when he was home, Kathy recalls, she felt as if her mother were “a balloon that might fly away at any second.” Sometimes her mother would leave the house late at night to hang out at her favorite radio station, and Kathy never knew when she would be back.

Kathy, now 45, learned not to lash out about that or any situation, because her mother would respond by withdrawing.

“She was unconventional and interesting and funny, and I liked that about her,” says Kathy, who was 7 years old when her mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 1974. It didn’t seem like she had things under control, and I often felt like I had to be in charge.” Kathy’s father, a politician, was often away in Albany. But it wasn’t until Bev reached her early 40s that her sexual impulses underwent a sudden change. ” demands Andy Behrman, who became a poster boy for bipolar disorder with the 2003 publication of his edgy, sexually frank, and popular book, Electroboy: A Memoir of Mania. She had a strong family history of mental illness: Her mother died by suicide; her daughter is clinically depressed.Kathy felt she had to explore the rage she felt toward her mother—for not being able to handle her life better, for not having better resources to help her through challenging times, for deciding to leave this world and her family behind.Even after Kathy was married and had children of her own, she felt jealous of people who still had their mothers around, or who’d had more stable mothers in their childhood.

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